This is going to be a big update ā not a longer-than-usual update, but BIG in terms of the step Iām taking here with this community. Iāll get to that in a sec. If youāre too eager, scroll down to take a look!
Something different this month! Iām going to riff off of a reader question because she really got my wheels turning! A few weeks ago I posted a quote on social media from Martha Beckās book, The Way of Integrity:
āEvery single choice is a chance to turn toward the life you really want.ā
When I read that quote, I realized that itās essentially what my memoir is really about (thank you, Martha!) Sometimes itās hard to summarize these things. Not only did it give me a new focus for my manuscript but it has greatly inspired me in my life to continue shaping it into what I want.
But then Anita had a question: What I really am wanting to figure out is how to determine āthe life I really wantā¦ā I get so overwhelmed just thinking about it that it seems I never get to the bends you are referring to. How did you start on that journey?
SUCH a good question. Thankfully Iāve been writing a whole book about it so itās pretty fresh on my mind. š
Photo byĀ Rachel ClaireĀ fromĀ Pexels.
For many years I let guilt win in my battle for what I really wanted. You see, I knew what made me feel good. What felt ārightā for me. What resonated. But I was so worried about disappointing others and keeping the peace that I suppressed some of my deepest thoughts and desires (any other people pleasers out there?). Slowly, I began to explore the things that made me feel good or that lit a spark for me. I allowed myself to indulge in them even when feelings of guilt were knocking at the door. Gradually, almost imperceptibly, my life began to shift.
Does anything come to mind? I think you know when youāre in it.
Youāve most likely heard the Lao Tzu quote, āA journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.ā I think determining the life we want comes in a similar fashion. In The Way of Integrity, Martha Beck describes it as a series of āone-degree turns.ā We donāt need to make the changes all at once. Itās in a series of tiny choices that we make that gradually turn the ship in a new direction. Part of this, says Beck, is to stop lying altogether and often that means seeking the truth from ourselves.
Ask yourself what you truly want in a situation. Did a friend offer you tea or coffee when you went for a visit but you turned them down because you didnāt want to inconvenience them? But really you felt foggy brained after an early morning wake-up with your toddler and all you desperately wanted was a caffeine boost?
We realize over time that itās in these micro choices that we start differentiating what we truly want. When we become more assertive we begin taking control of the bigger things.
Hereās how this has been playing out for me:
Iām turning down contracts that donāt align with my personal parameters (that it pays my minimum fee and is something I actually want to spend my time doing).
I asked my husband to book my daughterās dentist appointment.
I went to bed early when I wasnāt feeling well.
Iāve stopped chasing people who wanted to connect but didnāt do their part to make it happen.
Iām investing small amounts of money each week so that we can afford to travel the way we want to.
The main thing is to ask yourself: What makes you feel good? What brings you joy? After that, as Beck says, do more of things you love and less of the things you donāt. In that way, itās quite simple!
If youāre curious, hereās more on The Way of Integrity. Youāll also hear me talking about these micro-decisions in this episode of The Alpha Female Podcast.
So hereās where Iām going out on a limb:
I have been a professional writer for about eleven years. That means I get paid to write. Yet there is a lot of writing I do for free, such as Field Notes, and I do it for the joy of it. What Iām finding is that often my creative writing gets put by the wayside when more immediate paid contracts come across my desk. But Iād like to create more time to pursue the kind of writing I feel truly called to, which involves monetizing some of my work. Many of you have expressed that you love these Field Notes and my social media updates (thank you!) and Iād like to be giving you even more as I feel like itās what Iām meant to do on this planet.
So, starting today Iām offering a paid subscription option to this Substack (just $8/month or $85/year). Field Notes will remain free! But my paying supporters will receive an additional update from me each month called Letters Home š, which will give you an even more transparent window behind the scenes of where Iām at and what Iām learning off the beaten track. Call it your direct line on me. Iāll also throw in the odd special just for paying subscribers!
Become a founding member and Iāll send you a signed copy of my new memoir when it comes out next year. š Use the buttons below to select your option and THANK YOU in advance!
Whatās caught my attention latelyā¦ āØ
Resilient, by Wayne Simpson. This book featuring Simpsonās spellbinding portraits is one of the most unique photography collections Iāve seen in a while. Iāve been walking with Simpson through the whole process and am continually blown away by his vulnerability as a creator. The stories heās included in this book will make you think differently about what it truly means to stay strong amidst adversity.
Check these out tooā¦ š
*NEW*Ā Mailing List - MemoirĀ - Talk about laying tracks before the train! Join my list to find out more about the travelogue/memoir coming out Fall 2022.
The Wonders That I Find - My childrenās book is now available! šæ
My Email Newsletter - Yes, different from Substack. This newsletter is for specific updates about my books and various projects.
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