My eight-year-old climbs to the top of the 20-foot indoor rock climbing wall in 30 seconds flat, then whizzes down the auto-belay like it’s no big deal.
Let me tell you something about this auto-belay. For the non-climbers out there, a belay is either a rope managed by a human or a mechanism managed by automatic friction that prevents a climber from falling. It is also used to safely lower the climber to the ground after they have completed an ascent.
An auto-belay is the mechanized kind. When I go climbing with my eight-year-old, she isn’t big enough to belay me, so I need to use the auto-belay.
When one is ready to descend, a human belayer would take in any slack and add tension to the rope. It’s a reassuring feeling when you sit back into your harness and wait to be lowered. But an auto-belay doesn’t have that tension right off the bat. When you’ve climbed the wall and you’re ready to descend, there’s a second where you need to free-fall before the system slows you down.
Before I let go, everything in my well-evolved body is telling me to hold on for dear life.
Even when I “know” that the system will catch me, and even if I’ve done it a dozen or a hundred times, my body’s reflex is to cling on. The higher I climb, the stronger the instinct.
I’ve learned a technique, however, which is to close my eyes when I let go. I’m sure science can tell me this tricks my system into thinking I’m not about to go plummeting to the ground. I like to think my eight-year-old isn’t feeling the freefall the same way (though she’s probably just fearless). With time, I have learned to expect the feeling of falling. I have learned it will feel uncomfortable for a moment. I have also learned that if I want to go up it’s my only way down (save for down-climbing the whole wall).
Life presents us with various iterations of this. These moments of temporary, and inevitable, discomfort. Things we don’t like, but must do. Things that bring us equal parts joy and unpleasantness.
Today I’m thinking about how sometimes discomfort is necessary for helping us to avoid resentment (I recently heard Brené Brown talk about this on her podcast).
Sometimes it’s that awkward, sweaty-palmed conversation that you’ve been replaying in your mind because it pains you to have to say certain things. I think we can all think of one. I’ve had a number of these this year because I knew that, without them, I’d never pave the way towards a better future. I know there are a few more that need to happen. And more will come up down the road.
Like with the auto-belay, the more I practice these and see the positive results of those interactions, the more comfortable I’ll get with the uncomfortable feelings.
Gosh, that’s a mouthful. But I’m thinking it makes sense.
I’ll finish with this. Today, despite my detestation for the feeling of free-fall that comes with the auto-belay, it isn’t enough to stop me from climbing up that wall. But it wasn’t always this way. I used to climb up only eight feet or so (we call this bouldering) and either downclimb or leap off. But, one day, I told myself I would need to overcome my fear of the auto-belay. Until I did, I would be limited in my climbing.
So I did. I climbed up, closed my eyes, and let go.
And now I can let go with more ease.
Now I’ll leave it with you: Is there something you know you’re avoiding even though it would make your life better to move through the discomfort?
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The Frontier Couple Who Chose Death Over Life Apart, by Eva Holland - A thought-provoking piece about a very sensitive issue. “The way we die is changing. So, too, is the way we think about dying—and about the opportunity, even the right, to die at a time and place of our choosing.”
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