I did a scary thing. š¦
It's turns out dark, cramped, underground places aren't really my thing.
āIf the weather is cold and rainy, we could always go caving!ā Paul said.
My sister and her family were visiting and we were discussing options for activities we could do that were not weather-dependent. Banff weather is wild ā you can have smoke, rain, heat and snow all in the same week. Caving was put on the table because it didn't matter what was happening aboveground. In the subterranean cave systems of nearby Canmore, Alberta, the temperature is a consistent 5ĀŗC.
A few hours later, I had an email confirmation telling me I was going caving.
I canāt say I was totally stoked about the idea, but I allowed myself to be curious. The thing is: I didnāt know how Iād fare in a cave. Iāve had some experiences in enclosed spaces that made me uncomfortable, but not totally claustrophobic: the cabin on small aircraft; an MRI scanner; heck, even my kids smothering me when I didnāt feel like it.
I wasnāt worried about the physical output. You see, the Ratās Nest Cave in Canmore is a wild caving experience. There are no guardrails or ladders here. Instead, you put on a harness and then clip into a rope system. A lot of hoisting, sliding, gripping and pulling is required to work your way through the cave. I felt up to the task physically, but my mind was a whole other matter.
When we got to the cave entrance and climbed in I got my first glance of what the inside of this cave looked like. It was cramped. It was rough. It was really, really, dark (I almost just typed āridiculouslyā because we were quoting Zoolander the whole time to keep things light).
I had a moment watching my sister contemplating her next move when I knew I also had a choice: bail now or go through the whole thing. It would not be easy to turn back at any point. She started moving through the cave (go, Lydia!) and then it was my turn. So I took a moment to do something Iāve done in the face of fear many times before: stop thinking and just do.
There are things I havenāt particularly enjoyed in the pastāscary, exposed mountain ridges, the dentist, childbirthābut once Iām committed I know the best way through it is to tune out my thoughts and go through the motions.
There are a few things on the horizon that are scaring the hell out of me. A book submission that will reveal some of my innermost thoughts and private experiences. Some travels weāve booked in this COVID-era that are not as straightforward as they used to be. Long stretches of solo parenting while Paul is abroad. If I think about it too much, itās too overwhelming.
So I focus on the next step, and then the next. Like in that cave, it is the only way through.
And I did get through it. I survived the rappel into the darkness. I survived a feature called the laundry shoot that looked and felt as cramped as a real laundry shoot. I survived ten minutes of waiting with three kids under the age of 12 while the rest of the adults caught up (kinda cool: we turned off our lights and I sang a song to them in those incredible acoustics!)
I didnāt enjoy being uncomfortable and scared, but it was a good learning experience to do it on purpose because if thereās anything I know about life, itās that it will sometimes be scary and uncomfortable.
Check out my post on Instagram for some footage from the day. And note that my eight-year-old is totally unfazed.
How do you face your fears? Let me know in the Comments or hit Reply!
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